47 years of marital bliss? Probably ain't gonna happen for me

And so here we are on Day 4 of 2011. This happens to be my parents' 47th wedding anniversary. That's just something you don't see everyday. When I look at my parents, I am so grateful that they have each other. Sometimes it is comical watching them relate to each other, but overall it is just touching to see them uplift and support each other through the ups and downs of life.

At some point, I thought that I would live "happily ever after" in this manner with Mr. Right. It became a painful reality that perhaps this may not be so for me. I gotta tell you, approaching middle age with this in mind is unsettling, to say the least. These are the kind of frightening thoughts that can lead to bad decisions. I mean... Decisions that at the time it seem like a good decision to chase away the lonelies and horrid thoughts of growing old with no one to love you but a cat or two or three.

So who talks me out of doing something I will probably regret? Apparently, Ralphie from the movie "A Christmas Story" had a little message for me. Check out this podcast to see what I mean. It is well worth the 45ish minutes. So if you get a chance check it out or bookmark it for later. Momentum Church Podcast: A Christmas Story

So big picture thinking... Odds are that I will not be celebrating my own 47th wedding anniversary (unless I meet someone pretty quickly and we both live to be 100). I may not have Mr. Right and I am vowing to not settle for Mr. Right Now. God has given me something just as good, if not better. My support network is phenomenal. I have the example of my parents. I have my sister her family (of whom I ADORE). I have my MoGroup, I have my girlz (from college). I have my aunts, uncles and cousins. I have my kitties. I have super duper girls from church that help me walk through and sort out crap. I have 583 Facebook Friends. Okay some of those are more like acquaintances, but I think you get my point.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!!

don't forget to see my year unfold 1 picture at a time.

F+

I guess I am in a talkative/blogative mood today, so I will post a bit of an update regarding my journey to health.

I know I promised to be transparent regarding my weight, but I guess I lied. I am not telling you how much I weigh. I actually don't know. I had to stop weighing myself because it was becoming an obsession.

Anyway, I have significantly decreased my fast food intake and I have been very consistent with my Mon-Fri visits to the YMCA.

2010 was a good year for me to develop better eating/fitness habits. I intend to continue making improvements in those areas through 2011.

I took a health assesment for a wellness program that I have joined. I expected to receive a low grade because of my weight. Suprisingly, I received a rating of a 87 out of 100. Of course my weight affected my grade, but the facts that I am a non-smoker and (for the most part) living a healthy lifestyle helped me get a way better rating than I expected.

I guess that at some point in the wellness program, someone is going to ask me to get on a scale. If you want to know how much I weigh at that point.... too bad. I still ain't tellin!!

New Year/New Project(365)

So my whole idea of blogging didn't really pan out last year. Blogging requires a good amount of time, energy and a pretty good vocabulary. I seem to be lacking in one or the other on any given day. So as much as I hate to say it... my blogging grade gets a big fat F!

Well, I have recently heard of this neat thing called Project 365. It's been around for a couple of years in various forms, but I have just learned of it this week. I have decided to give it a try. What is going to happen is that I am going to take one picture everyday. I am certainly not trying to showcase any super photog skills or creativity or fancy lifestyle, cuz Lord knows...I got neither. There is no theme as of yet... although I may try out weekly themes in the near future. I am pretty certain that I will not be blogging w/ every pic, but hopefully the most interesting ones or at least some sort of weekly summary.

I have zero photography skills and 5% luck on getting good shots. In fact, I don't even have my camera with me today so my first pics have come from my horrible little camera phone that is almost useless.

I am hoping for a way better grade at the end of the year than I got on my regular blogging. Check it out: http://dwana365ish.blogspot.com/

Wish me luck.

Imagine Dee

Well, I-Dwana Crawford (Dee), have decided to try a blog. Generally, I don’t have tons to say to the masses, although if you get me going in a one-on-one conversation, I am going to talk your ear off! I have decided to use this blog as an accountability tool towards my over all goal of becoming as healthy as possible. It is my intent for this to be a place where I can openly share about my findings and challenges on this journey. I hope to be able to find much love, hope and support which will give me an extra umph for the times that I am feeling like I can’t (or just plain don’t want) to go on. Maybe there is even someone out there who can learn from the steps that I am taking.

The title “Imagine Dee” is derived from the Kirk Franklin song “Imagine Me.” The message of the song is that it doesn’t matter what you have done or what has been done to you--God loves you. PERIOD. He is not waiting for you to change or improve or confront the past or lose 100 lbs, etc... He loves you just as you are. I have to say, it took me 8-ish years of emotional turmoil to finally get that in my understanding. I finally can “Imagine Dee” as a whole person. I am not less of a person because of my struggles with my weight (and other things). I sure wish I could explain this eloquently, but I would suggest that you check out the podcast from Momentum Christian Church from March 7, 2010 (God’s Love for Dummies). Dan Smith lays it out pretty good! http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/christianity-for-dummies-gods/id192170997?i=81468732

Here is a little background as to what has brought me to this point. I most definitely grew up “chubby.” I never lost what most people call “baby” fat. My “baby” fat turned into “teenage” fat and then “young adult” fat then to “nearly middle-aged adult” fat. Looking back, I can pinpoint lots of mistakes and behaviors that led to my gaining and holding on to more and more weight every year. Now that I am pushing 40 (I am currently 38.92 years old), I know that I must begin living a healthy lifestyle if I want to live for many years. Somehow I have been lucky to maintain decent blood count numbers, but finally my blood sugar started creeping very close to diabetic territory. I can see what diabetes has done to my mother (who suffers congestive heart failure, kidney failure, and other maladies). Since it is a genetic thing…it is imperative for me to be in the best possible shape to be able to battle any upcoming health problems.

I have given several halfhearted attempts to lose weight over the past several years A couple years ago, I was able to shed 50 lbs, but for some reason I slipped back into old habits and gained some of it back. Recently, I was in the process of trying to figure out a good game plan when Momentum Christian Church announced that they would be doing the third edition of the Biggest Friggin’ Loser (Big Frig). I felt the nudge to join but I struggled with the idea of making my actual weight public. I knew that the Big Frig would be fun and competitive and I knew that it could possibly give me the jump-start that I needed to get down to business. Very reluctantly, I agreed to be a part of the competition and I am so so so glad that I did.

The competition is now over, and I can’t reveal any details until the final results are made public. For this reason, I will refrain from telling my actual weight on this blog… for now. I will just post the plus/minus results (hopefully lots of minuses) of my weekly weigh-ins. I will also talk about the exercise and food decisions that I have to deal with regularly. However, after the Big Frig results are publicized, I will be forthcoming with the actual numbers.

I guess I had more to say than I thought… In the interest of keeping this shorter than a novella, I will hold off on the shout out section. We can deal with those later, but let me just say that I have a lot of people that deserve big ups for lifting me up, holding me up and pulling me up when I was ready to give up.

Now that the Big Frig is done, I have lost some of my weekly motivation to keep on track!! Can you guys give me some cyber-support? Some cyber-umph? Some cyber-nudges? Some cyber-cheerleading? I IMAGINE so!!

Be good today!!

Imagine Me (Kirk Franklin) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jL6vw5xI0Bg